The DNA results are in: I’m not part basset hound (like everybody thinks), just a fat beagle. I still don’t understand why my owners needed to poke my mouth to find this out, though. That was annoying. And besides, haven’t they heard my howl? Definite beagle.

So, anyway, can we now move on to more important things? Like, what’s this I hear about a cage and an airplane? My official position on that — “Not happening.”