…your toddler says something that you’re fairly surely is neither his native English nor his second language French, and so you ask his nanny if she can decipher his message, and she explains, “He’s speaking Danish. He had a play date with his Danish friend today.”
countdown
That awesome moment when you think about placing an Amazon.com order but don’t because you realize there’s a chance that it wouldn’t reach you in time…
I don’t have a firm departure date yet. In the Foreign Service world it’s administratively complicated to plan a departure before you know where you’re going next, which I of course just found out. But I probably have less than two months to go.
In the Foreign Service world, two months is not a lot of time at all. There are pack outs to be scheduled. There are plane tickets to be booked. There are travel orders to be gotten. There are bridge assignments to be arranged. There are home leaves to be planned. There are houses to be cleaned out. There are evaluations to be written. There are pets to be vaccinated and documented. There are bills to be settled. There are cars to be sold. There are goodbyes to be said. And of course, there is much, much paperwork to be done.
I’ll be so busy that the two months will likely pass quickly. Good thing. There are certain things I’ll miss about Benin after I’m gone, to be sure, but my frame of mind right now is that the end can’t come soon enough. This geographically single working mom thing, while pregnant no less, is not exactly my idea of a good time.
if taking a toddler to london…
As you know from Flynn’s valentine greetings, we ventured to London in February. This blog post has been hanging over me since then, but 1) we weren’t ready quite yet to announce the official reason for the trip (pregnancy check ups), and 2) all of my awesome photos somehow ended up on the computer that Andy took with him back to DC, and I was hoping to figure out a solution to that. Alas, I haven’t, so you’ll have to settle for the iPhone photo version.
Here’s what I learned along the way about taking a toddler to London:
1) No matter how much you hated those awful touristy hop-on-hop-off bus tours in your pre-baby life, when you’re traveling with a toddler, just do it. Also, no matter how great you think it will be to sit on the top deck, just don’t do it. Here we posed for the obligatory top deck photo, and then, as soon as Flynn expressed the modicum of interest in diving overboard (which of course was pretty much immediately), went back downstairs.
Someone wasn’t happy about the move, but you know what? That someone’s not the boss.
As far as I can tell there were two major companies. We went with Big Bus Tours and it was perfectly fine. (The other major company is the Original Tour. Stay away from companies besides these two; they don’t come as often or stop as many places.)
2. The bus tour also includes a free boat ride, always a hit with the toddler set. Having to sit still waiting for the boat to arrive, though, not as much of a hit.
3. Think twice before visiting the aquarium, as least if you’re traveling in the winter. Sure, it was a nice (albeit expensive) place. That’s probably why every person I asked for travel tips said, “Oh, you must visit the aquarium.” That was the problem. Every tourist in London that day must have been told by someone they must visit the aquarium. It’s probably better in the summer when everyone’s not searching for an indoor activity. But still. You’ve been warned.
If you do happen to visit the acquarium, note that the London Eye — a giant ferris wheel –is right there too. I decided Flynn was a little too young and I was a little too cold to fully enjoy it, but if you’re interested you can get combo tickets.
4. You know what I would do instead of the acquarium? The zoo. They also have acquarium like things there. Hello, penguins.
Having grown up in St. Louis where the zoo is free, it was hard for me to stomach the hefty entrance fee, but in the end it was definitely worth it. This is a phenomenal zoo, and a lot of the things that usually cost more are included in your admission ticket, like for instance the butterfly house.
In addition to animals, there are good casual restaurants and food stands. There are merry go rounds.
There are ride on toys.
There’s a giant playground.
There’s absolutely enough to do to spend a whole day.
5. The zoo is located in Regents Park, which is a worthy place to visit in and of itself. After being strapped into his stroller or carrier, your little guy is going to love the freedom to just run. Especially when he’s running after ducks. There are playgrounds too.
6. There are even more playgrounds in Hyde Park, though. Every time you turn around you’re running into another one. Plus there are lots of ducks there as well. And boats. And horseback riding.
7. We also got a lot of recommendations for the Science Museum, Natural History Museum, and Victoria & Albert Museum — all located in the same area, near the famed Harrods Department Store. The V&A seems to have some arts and crafts activities that might be good for older kids, but there wasn’t much of interest for us. The Natural History Museum was a bit of a let down too. Flynn’s a little too young to understand that bones are part of the dinosaurs, so that exhibit hall was kind of a bust. Luckily he did get excited about some real stuffed animals.
The science museum was mediocre too. For a kid who’s obsessed with all forms of transportation I expected more of a reaction to a room full of airplanes, but it seems that airplanes parts and old fashioned planes aren’t really his thing. So it goes. There is a small learning and play area for toddlers, though.
None of these museums in and of itself is wonderful for toddlers in my opinion, but since they’re all so close and free, so it’s easy to hop between them, it’s still worth a trip.
8. Bring a stroller. Even if your toddler is a good walker, he’s going to get tired. And you’re going to get tired of keeping him from running into traffic. Even if you’re usually a baby carrier, he’s not exactly a baby anymore and is going to get heavy fast.
9. One great free activity: Hamley’s Toy Shop in Oxford Circus. It’s a London institution, apparently the world’s largest toy store, with seven floors worth of play things. There are lots of interactive displays, staff member demos, etc. And by some miracle we even managed to escape without having to buy anything.
10. Another pleasant place where he can get out and run around without fear of traffic is the waterfront promenade, the Queen’s Walk. When we were there in the dead of winter there all kinds of kid friendly street performers — clowns, guys with bubble machines, face painters, blue and tin men — so I can only imagine what it would be like in the summer…
11. If you, like me, are always looking for affordable but cute kids clothes that not everyone else back in the U.S. is going to have, check out Primark and Marks & Spencer.
12. Finally, a word on food. I found it easiest to grab delicious prepacked meals at Marks & Spencer (the food shop in the basement of the big department store, or a stand alone cafe) or Pret a Manger, both found everywhere, and then settle in on a park bench to eat. But maybe your toddler sits still in restaurants better than mine does. In that case, I hear the Wagamama chain is kid friendly, and that Giraffe is the place to go for pancakes.
drumroll please…
This post has been a long time coming.
It’s been over three years since Andy started the process to become a Foreign Service Officer himself, and that whole time the question has been hanging over us: Will this whole thing really work out? Will we really manage to be posted somewhere together? There have been many points along the way when we believed the answer to be “no.”
Here’s a refresher:
- After Andy passed the oral assessment and found himself on the Management Register, we were told our best option was for him to defer until after I finished my tour in Cotonou; syncing up our tours then would be no problem, we were assured. As soon as I knew where I was going next the powers that be would tell Andy when he should join himself in order to get a post at the same place, which would be reserved for him.
- After French, maternity leave, and some months in Cotonou, the rules about tandem assignments changed. Now there would be a problem syncing up our tours. Maybe we would get the same post. Maybe we wouldn’t. There were no guarantees. Andy would just have to join and see what happened.
- Andy got cancer, so we forgot about the whole tandem quest for a while.
- Andy got better.
- I bid on my second tour, with the added complication of Andy not having a full medical clearance. Still, all the regulations led us to believe he would have it back in time for my next tour, so our strategy: getting me a post with tandem potential. I did not get a post with much tandem potential. Things did not look good.
- Andy fought to get his full medical clearance back, which he’d need in order to join the Foreign Service himself — worldwide availability, and all. He was denied, he appealed, and after a lot of headaches and stress, finally won.
- Despite the slim odds of being posted together, we decided not to give up just yet. Andy would join and we would see if there was still a way to make it work — knowing that one or both of us might resign if it didn’t. We waited for the timing to be right to give us the best possible chance.
- A few months before Andy wanted to join, he gave the powers that be a heads up. Well actually, they told him, despite the fact that you’ve been working in an embassy and have an active security clearance, we’re going to need to do your security clearance again. It might take a while.
- Meanwhile, the federal budget was in shambles and there were no guarantees about future Foreign Service hiring. If Andy didn’t get in this particular class, who knew when the next opportunity would be (and with later classes the odds of being able to sync up our timing grew more and more slim).
- Luckily, several wonderful colleagues helped usher Andy’s new security clearance through just in time. He started getting ready for A100.
- We found out I was pregnant. This made us even less willing to settle for a posting apart.
- Andy started A100 and got the good news that the CDOs wanted to help us. In fact, they were even proactive and determined which posts would work for us before our first official meeting. They would break my assignment and assign us somewhere together. The fact that me being pregnant wouldn’t allow me to arrive at that original assignment on time anyway probably didn’t hurt things, either. Unfortunately, the options about where we could be assigned together turned out to be limited and came with long separations and no guarantee that Andy would be able to be there for the birth of baby #2. I’ve known couples who have made this sacrifice, but to us, it just felt like too much.
- Andy’s CDO presented a new idea: he could do a one-year job in D.C. and we could bid later off of a new list with different options. This wasn’t the best plan career-wise for me, as it involved a lot of time floating around in temporary assignments, but we decided it was still the best call for our family. We’d both be in D.C. for baby #2’s birth and my maternity leave, and we’d probably be able to go somewhere together after that. But still, no promises.
- A month or so into Andy’s D.C. gig, our new bid list came out. Things looked like they just might turn out okay after all. There were a surprisingly large number of options for us. We bid, we waited hopefully, and that brings us to now…
After all this, and after six months of separation in order for a tandem posting to even be a possibility, we’ll be reunited in D.C. for Spanish training and after that, next summer/fall, we’ll be going TOGETHER, both as consular officers, to…
GUADALAJARA!
We actually bid this #1. It took us a while to get to that point because it’s not as flashy as some of our other options, but we think it’s a great fit for our family at this stage in our lives: culturally interesting, but still full of plenty of modern comforts. And close to home.
Posted in Tandem Issues
Tagged bidding, family, medical clearance, second tour, security clearance, tandem
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missing benin
Someone asked me the other day if I missed Benin. I couldn’t really answer though, because I’m not sure what the real answer is. Of course right now I miss Benin. But maybe I mostly miss Alex and Flynn. In fact, I’d go so far as to say a big part of me feels like I haven’t left Benin because a big part of me is still there. (Alex would probably argue that if this was really true, she wouldn’t have to wake up so early with Flynn every morning.)
When I really thought about it, I found that there are some things that I miss about Benin. I miss the people from the embassy who helped make my time there much more enjoyable and I miss the friendly locals who would smile at Flynn when we were out in public. I miss seeing things that I could never see back home, like a motorcycle with three passengers, one of whom was a live goat. I miss having affordable household staff who made our lives immeasurably easier and helped introduce us to local culture in a way that would have been difficult on our own. I miss our house with more bedrooms and bathrooms than we knew what to do with. I also miss looking out of Flynn’s window and seeing the beach and the ocean. I miss those small moments of triumph when you finally feel like you’ve figured something out, like when I learned to (kind of) haggle at the artisan market or when I found a better place to exchange glass bottles of soda. I miss glass bottles of soda. Finally, I miss that surreal feeling I’d get from time to time when I’d look around and think, “I bet 2007 Andy never would have believed he’d be here.”
With the good, though, there is the bad. There are things I won’t miss about Benin. I won’t miss the added challenge that the language barrier heaped on top of everything we’d try to do. I won’t miss how frustrating the smallest tasks could sometimes become, like when I had to go to the store for the third time to pay our cable bill because the first time it was too crowded and no one would help me figure out what I needed to do, and the second time the one person who could help with my specific kind of bill was out for a three hour lunch. I won’t miss the crazy motos darting through the streets. I won’t miss the slow internet or the fact that baseball games started at 1 in the morning. And I won’t miss that helpless feeling you have when your kid is sick with a fever and has red dots all over and your power is out and your car isn’t working and the local medical care is not what you’re used to.
Like I said, there’s good and bad.
When Alex and Flynn get home in June and we’re finally together as a family again, I hope we can look back on our time in Benin fondly. I hope we can say that we learned a lot – about ourselves, about Benin, about what we’ll look for in future posts. I hope we keep those lessons in mind even as difficulties like language barriers and a sick toddler during a blackout morph from hardships into funny stories. At the same time, I hope we don’t forget to put on our rose colored glasses every once in a while to focus on the good things.
bad monkey
I forgot to mention that I was attacked by a monkey.
Attacked might be a bit of a stretch since a giant metal cage separated us. But I was standing there about a foot away, taking a picture of Flynn and my mom, when the monkey leapt from the back of its cage to the front and then swiped his hand out between the bars and got me.
Flynn thought it was the funniest thing he had every seen in his whole two years of life, of course.
At first this was just a strange and somewhat funny thing that happened. But then a few minutes later I realized the scratch had broken skin. And so I spent the rest of what was supposed to be a relaxing day at the lagoon worrying about getting rabies, and researching on my slow-loading iPhone what was worse for a pregnant person, getting a shot to protect against rabies or getting rabies itself. (Answer: both are pretty bad.)
First thing the next morning, I called the embassy doctor and got some interesting but ultimately good news.
Apparently this particular monkey has been up to no good before. The health unit actually already had its immunization records on file. No rabies, or anything else to be concerned about. Phew.
bidding by number (again)
Well, our bid lists are off in the hands of those tasked with determining our fate… the next thee years of it anyway.
Much to our surprise, the research leading up to our bidding decisions wasn’t quite as involved as it has been in times past. Maybe because we actually had plenty of fine options. Maybe because we only really care about staying together, and it looks like that should be possible. Maybe because we’ve got a lot of experience at this bidding thing by now.
This time was a little different than the two previous times we’ve bid on what could have been my second tour. A few months back we were working from Andy’s A100 list and had to rank all jobs high, medium, or low. Last summer we worked from the second tour list and had to bid on 30 positions ranked in order of preference, picked from hundreds of choices. Our strategy was to get me a post with the most potential of having a job for Andy at some unknown point in the future.
This time we’re bidding off of a special list for a small group of people who missed the regular bid cycles for one reason or another. Because of this our list of choices was smaller so we only had to bid on 15. But the most important difference between this and previous experiences is that this time we’re actually bidding together, at the same time, off the same list. Not theoretically, but for real.
We expected really only one or two viable possibilities that allowed us to check all the necessary boxes (we both need a consular tour, Andy needs a language) and also be posted together. If there’s a mantra for tandem couples in the Foreign Service I think it would be, “sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.” Usually (but not always) couples are able to stick together as long as they’re willing to make enough sacrifices about any other personal or professional goals. What I’m saying is: because we wanted to stick together, we didn’t really expect to have much of a choice about anything else. We thought we’d be going to whatever (likely undesirable) post happened to have two spots left over for us. However, we were pleasantly surprised that our bid list had 11 cities that would work for us, and that every single one of these places is more appealing to us than where we’d braced ourselves to go.
Curious? Well, I can’t tell you where exactly we bid, but I will say that our 15 bids included:
- 11 different cities
- 5 bids on the same city
- 9 bids on the same country
- 3 different continents
- 15 bids that involve language training
- 3 different languages
- 6 places you would gladly go on vacation
- 3 places you would go on vacation if you’re a bit adventurous
- 2 places you probably wouldn’t go on vacation but that would be perfectly comfortable places for us to live
- 6 cities with subway systems
- only 1 bid that wouldn’t allow us to stay together as a family
- 14 bids we’d be perfectly happy to get
We’re hopeful, but if we’ve learned anything from both our own and other people’s bidding experiences it’s that you just never know what’s going to happen until it happens. We’re worldwide available, after all. There are no guarantees that we’ll be able to stay together as a family. There are no guarantees that we’ll get one of the jobs we bid on — or even one that was on our list.
Anything can happen.
Check back in a week or so to find out what does.
benin through new eyes
Because I haven’t yet found the time or energy to focus on putting my own experience of being in Benin down on paper (one day…), I point you in the meantime to some accounts written by my mom about her recent trip.
Arriving in Africa – On judging an English language debate contest for Beninese students, and wanting to just let them all win
Kosher Dills & a Taste of Home – On the importance of familiar tastes in a place so different
Pictures from Benin – On locals’ objections to being photographed, and what can’t be captured in pictures anyway
Help! I’m Caught in My Mosquito Net – On difficulties and hardships, both those averted and those unanticipated
The Venice of West Africa – On the famed stilt village, Ganvie, and it’s interesting beginnings
Learning French from a Two Year Old – On surviving in a Francophone country with only a toddler as your translator
It’s funny how quickly the things that seemed so strange at first become unremarkable. Four people on the back of a moto? No big deal; I’ve seen more. Pools of rainwater covering entire city streets? Eh, that’s what the 4-wheel drive is for. Goats stopping traffic? Well, at least it’s not the horses.
Explaining every little thing to my mom was annoying at times. (Yes we will be walking up these seven flights of stairs because elevators in places with frequent power outages aren’t really a great idea. No they won’t make change at the store for you unless you want your change in bubble gum or toothpicks because that’s just how they do things here. Yes this is a middle class neighborhood and not the shanties I swear.) But it was refreshing to experience Benin again through new eyes.
Posted in Travel
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easter, in photos
And finally, here’s one from the archives: I didn’t realize until I got home and started looking through last year’s photos, but I seem to have dressed him in the exact same outfit two years in a row. Oops.
Posted in Toddler
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we bid again
It seems like we just did this. Twice. And yet here we are again. For the third time in the last nine months, we’re looking at a bid list.
Normally, Foreign Services Officers bid on their next assignments about a year in advance. Because my assignment in DC is only a year long to begin with, after only five weeks on the job, I received my bid list today.
Actually, I should rephrase. I received our bid list today. One of the advantages of me doing a DC assignment is that Alex and I are now part of the same bidding cycle, so we’ll be bidding off the same list as a tandem.
We’ll have many of the same restrictions we did the last time Alex bid. We’ll both need to do a consular tour, so anything else is ruled out. Language will also play a big factor as I still need to fulfill my language requirement since I never technically passed French. That means that English speaking posts can also be eliminated. Finally, we’ll need to find a post with not just one job that fits these criteria, but two.
There are quite a few interesting possibilities on the list. Given the number of restrictions we have, we’ve already narrowed the list down from almost 80 positions to fewer than 20. We’ll spend the next week obsessing over the exact order in which they should be ranked, and then, by April 9, we’ll submit the list.
With the roller coaster we’ve had over the past year, we’re excited to get a new assignment, especially since then we’ll know what we’ll be doing for the next three and a half years. That’s the kind of long term planning we one can only dream of in the Foreign Service.